Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.
Meeting Aliens Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!
But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!