Groucho Marx Quotes

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Once I put it down I couldn't pick it back up.

All geniuses die young.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Boogey boogey boogey.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

He [Harpo] loved life and lived it joyously and deeply and that's about as good an epitaph as anyone can have.

I kept the receipt.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Go and never darken my towels again.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.