I do think that you can dress yourself out of a problem. The way that a haircut and a new pair of pants can make you feel is better than any therapist, because when you look in the mirror, you see a different person - you are a different person. It's superficial change that can lead to real change.
Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less.
Falling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
I saw Aerosmith, and I was like, 'Wow, you can dress like a girl and still get girls? Hand me a scarf!'
There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.
I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted to be a comic. I just didn't think comedians were cool when I was a kid.
Always be classy. Never be crazy.
A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.
Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.
You are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.
I don't have a massive fan base. I don't have Patton Oswalt numbers, but the fan base I have is incredibly generous, and of the 22,000 people who follow me on Twitter, I think almost all of those people participate.
I've learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.
When a guy is into you, he let’s you know it.
When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
You can't fix people or make them change; the only thing you can do is pack your shit and leave if it isn't working for you.
People come together and move apart. It's the age-old ebb and flow of relationships. Some are shorter journeys, and others were meant for a lifetime. That goes for friendships as well.
We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you.
You are not easily forgotten.
Now, defeating kryptonite and getting over a broken heart is incredibly tough. It's also wildly empowering. But the even bigger victory is finally living your own life again without the constant presence of heartache.
He doesn't have to love your CD collection. He doesn't have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family—especially when they're great.
Meeting someone you like and dating him is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.
You already have one asshole. You don't need another.
He's that guy that's so tired from work, so stressed about the project he's working on. He's just been through an awful breakup and it's really hitting him hard. His parents' divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can't get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about.
If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.
Most authors writing books like 'He's Just Not That Into You' dream of doing what I was being asked to do. I didn't like it. I'm good at giving advice, but doing it on TV and radio felt wrong, and when people resisted my point of view, I was like, 'Why am I doing this? This was not the plan.' So I stopped. It didn't make me feel good.
I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.
It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I am, but when I watch myself, it doesn't make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes, and to me, I feel like I'm pulling the wool over people's eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do.
Hey, Hot Stuff, Can't wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it's soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting. Your Future.
Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.
Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
This life is yours and no one else's, and if you spend your time looking at other people's pages, you'll never get anything done.
You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don't need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.
I believe in love the verb, not the noun.
Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
Busy is another word for asshole.
I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.
He's just not that into you.
Your happiness is the most important thing in this life. If you are not happy, you are of no use to anyone else.
The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.
A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.
But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation.
Is he making you happy? I don't mean some of the time, on rare occasions, not that often, but the good still outweighs the bad. Does he make it clear in his actions every day that your happiness is important to him?
The word busy is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
