You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline-it helps if you have some kind of football team , or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news ... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.

Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.

No change in musical style will survive unless it is accompanied by a change in clothing style. Rock is to dress up to.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Without "Louie Louie" a symphony is not quite so grand.

Their stupidity does not amaze me, its when they're smart that amazes me. It's baffling whenever you find someone who's smart — incredible. Soon you'll have zoos for such things.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Government is the Entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.

Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face.

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

Take the Kama Sutra. How many people died from the Kama Sutra as opposed to the Bible? Who wins?

I think it's really tragic when people get serious about stuff. It's such an absurdity to take anything really seriously ... I make an honest attempt not to take anything seriously: I worked that attitude out about the time I was eighteen, I mean, what does it all mean when you get right down to it, what's the story here? Being alive is so weird.

The most important thing in art is The Frame. For painting: literally; for other arts: figuratively-- because, without this humble appliance, you can't know where The Art stops and The Real World begins. You have to put a 'box' around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall?

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dead, your teacher, your priest or some guy in the television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!

Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?

The mind is like a parachute - it doesn't work if it's not open.

The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.

Well, in this world of basic stereotyping, give a guy a big nose and some weird hair and he is capable of anything.

The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like.

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.

Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, uses that something to support their own existence.

The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has a medieval aroma, like the days when everything used to sound like that. Some people crave baseball...I find this unfathomable, but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing the bassoon.

Without deviation progress is not possible.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

I think that if a person doesn't feel cynical then they're out of phase with the 20th century. Being cynical is the only way to deal with modern civilization — you can't just swallow it whole.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Rock journalism is people who cant write interviewing people who cant talk for people who cant read.

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents — because they have a tame child-creature in their house.

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best.

The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

Most people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom.

Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.

I feel a lot of people don't know what high school is - including those who are in it. My material is provided to give them some perspective. People are stupid. They never stop to question things. They just accept. Can you imagine a nation who never questions the validity of cheerleaders and pom-poms?

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.

Music is the only religion that delivers the goods.

You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

Books Are Good For Lots Of Uses, Not For Dropping In The Toilet.

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.