My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.

Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

I realized with Broadway everything written for black people is usually written in the past, and I'm kind of a contemporary guy. I don't think you want to see me in 'Raisin in the Sun'.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You don't pay taxes-they take taxes.

Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much.

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.

Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.

I have no idea what my best material is. Different people like different things. I'll say this: The political stuff gets the press, but the relationship jokes sell all the seats.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everyone else.

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.