I don't want to put meaning on what I do because I don't know what it is.

I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite.

The Internet is so crazy, and you're exposed to so many things. In an hour, you can really jump around.

I don't mind having 16-year-old fans, but I hate just having 16-year-old fans. I want more diversity.

I'm left-brained, so I'm all about a mathematical approach to language. I've always been interested in that.

I don't want you to think I'm better than people or that I know better than people.

I try and write satire that's well-intentioned. But those intentions have to be hidden. It can't be completely clear, and that's what makes it comedy.

I didn't want to bash young people. I don't want to bash a kid for dreaming or wanting something or being slightly ambitious - that's not the problem. The actual problem is with the culture surrounding him.

In high school, I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor.

Most of my songs make fun of myself.

There's only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same.

Since I got an audience before I even had a comic voice, my material that really wasn't worthy of an audience somehow got it, slightly unfairly.

My career was exploding at the same time that social media itself was expanding. But when my online videos were taking off, I didn't think, 'Oh, great! I'm going to be able to parlay this into a career!' I just wanted to be a comedian. I just wanted to perform live.

I have no real want or need to be a movie star.

I'd much rather wait till my material is up to par, in my opinion, than rush it just so I can stay in the limelight a little longer.

I do weird things, and people watch.

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

I always think of myself as a comedy feeder type person, and that feeder lets themselves get out of your comfort zone as opposed to straight stand up; that feels like honing one skill, like honing one point of view.

I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I'm not a complete hypocrite.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.

I like the idea of conceiving a show and putting on a show, and especially when I got to the place where I could play theaters.

If a comic is himself, there'll be things he can't do - because he has to adhere to that persona.

If I had posted my first video a week later, I don't know if it would have spread like it did. That's why, with everything I do, I try to enjoy the making of it instead of worrying about the release and reception.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

I think it would collapse my heart if I was super famous. I don't have the nerve for it, I'm too anxious. I don't know how you're not obsessed with how people perceive you, because they're real people, you know? You can convince yourself that they don't really know you, and that's true, but how can it not hurt your feelings?

I've kind of stopped valuing laughter as the end-all measurement of what I'm doing.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

I feel lucky, where I'm not 'famous' famous. I'm not someone that everyone kind of knows for no reason. If people know who I am, they like me because if they didn't like me, they forgot about me.

Meta-comedy is everywhere and always seems so cold and to me is really kinda snarky.

I'm clearly doing what I want. I hope kids can see my act and feel like they can be slightly more comfortable in their own skin because I'm being so ridiculously comfortable in mine. I'm not that comfortable in my skin the moment I walk offstage. But I try to project that while I'm on it.

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

Life, to me, doesn't feel like a straightforward story; it doesn't make sense for me to get up there and just tell a story. Life feels like what my show feels like: chaotic and strange and disconnected.

I'm very left-brain.

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

Don't worry, I'm hilarious.

I thought I had more of a European sense of humour than the average American comic.

The problem for us, as viewers, is that we want famous people who are passionate about the things they're famous for, because that makes them worthy of the attention. But I think many of those famous people just want to be famous.

Basically, I don't like to tweet stuff about my life. I only like to tweet jokes.

The unlimited amount of information that I have access to has also given me an unlimited threshold for how I need to be stimulated.

Please don't stick with me if I start sucking.

There's tons of dudes - like David O'Doherty, Tim Key, and Alex Horne - I made a lot of friends with people who are really incredible comics.

I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

I have a show on MTV called 'Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous.' I think that's a secret to a vast majority of America.

For me, the only value a celebrity has, or any artist or actor or anything, is the things that they make, you know?

The thing is, I always thought I could do stand-up, and so I just stayed focused on the belief that I could succeed.

Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. So I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.