There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Zip zop wop boopity bop.
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
All Children Have Brain Damage!
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.
I'm supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty, I told her.
YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
We're not raising children with the love that we need to.
A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'
Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.
I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.