As the leader of twelve apostles, even Jesus had more executive experience than Obama.

Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening.

I've been banned from just about everything.

My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the 'New York Times' Building.

The first time I heard 'Sharknado,' I thought it was a late-night infomercial for a new vacuum cleaner. Could have swore I ordered one once. Then I found out what it was and remembered that I grew up reading the 'Sharknado' novels.

What liberals mean by 'goose-stepping' or 'ethnic cleansing' is generally something along the lines of 'eliminating taxpayer funding for the National Endowment for the Arts.' But they can't say that, or people would realize they're crazy.

Any Republican who says he can work with Hillary Clinton is a traitor to the nation.

I'm happy every day. You know, that moment when you first wake up in the morning, and you're just finishing your dream, like you're a dog chasing a post truck - and then you realize, 'Oh no, I'm a human, and I'm awake, and it's Trump's America!

My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism.

I have, from the beginning, been opposed to Trump hiring any of his relatives. Americans don't like that; I don't like that. That's the one fascist thing he's done. Hiring his kids.

The most irritating movie character for me was that cradle-to-grave commie, Mary Poppins.

I'm the female Bob Woodward! If I were a liberal, I couldn't write another book. I'd be so busy collecting awards! I'd be posing for the cover of 'Vanity Fair!'

The Democrats have no actual policy proposals of their own unless constant carping counts as a policy.

I'm not going to be lectured to.

I think there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people to vote.

Democrats always assure us that deterrence will work, but when the time comes to deter, they're against it.

What happens is, illegal immigrants can run across the border, drop a baby, and say, 'Ha-ha, there's nothing you can do now. My kid's an American citizen.' Well, that wasn't the intent of the 14th Amendment. Americans would not agree with that. It creates a horrible incentive.

I'm accusing Republicans of thinking the Jews have so much power.

Luckily, voting machines register only 'yes' or 'no,' not 'yes, but I hate myself'.

It turns out that all of the things I was looking for in a governor, Trump has even more. He has been vetted by the media; he has been attacked by the media his entire life and is perfectly comfortable in front of a gaggle of microphones.

There is nothing you can tell me to discourage me.

I think maybe it's time for liberals to not start weeping when I say things like 'retard' or 'illegal alien.'

If a university official's letter accusing a speaker of having a proclivity to commit speech crimes before she's given the speech - which then leads to Facebook postings demanding that Ann Coulter be hurt, a massive riot and a police-ordered cancellation of the speech - is not hate speech, then there is no such thing as hate speech.

As the name of the agency suggests, 'Department of Defense,' the defense refers to the United States of America - not the defense of South Korea, not the defense of Ukraine, not the defense of Syria or Germany.

I don't care about power. I don't care about credit.

If only we could get Muslims to boycott all airlines, we could dispense with airport security altogether.

We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say. That is what Christianity is. We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express.

The policy is anyone who's here illegally is here illegally, does not have the right to be here. We'll decide whether it's in our interest to let them stay or not. Perhaps it is in our interest to let some of them stay.

My whole career has been an Ann Coulter roast.

It has taken centuries to create the freest, fairest, most prosperous societies in the world, and there have been lots of studies about this.

I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention.

Trump was our last shot. I kind of thought it was Romney, and then lo and behold, like a miracle, Trump comes along. I still believe in Trumpism. I have no regrets for ferociously supporting him. What choice did we have?

I have huge fans. Gays love me.

I get a little belligerent when not enough protesters show up at my appearances.

Confiscatory taxation enforced by threat of imprisonment is 'stealing,' a practice strongly frowned upon by our Creator.

God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees.

I might be in favor of national healthcare if it required all Democrats to get their heads examined.

It's a rule of 'Deadhead-dom' to claim to hate Donna Godchaux and always say, 'Phil makes the band,' though I think that pronouncement was proved inaccurate after Jerry died.

The Democrats want to bring in the Third World because these are, by and large, people who have no experience with Constitutional democracy.

I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it.

Liberal soccer moms are precisely as likely to receive anthrax in the mail as to develop a capacity for linear thinking.

When you try to figure out what the religious right is, it ultimately comes down either to one man, Pat Robertson, or anyone who believes in a higher being and wants their taxes cut.

Trump is like a Shakespearean 'fool': he seems crass because he speaks the truth.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

Liberals watch MSNBC; conservatives watch Fox. They don't want to hear ten seconds of a liberal on Fox, and they don't want to hear ten seconds of a conservative on MSNBC.

I'd like to move Israel to the northern border of Mexico and see what happens then.

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

The Republicans are whistling past the graveyard. If we don't change our policies on immigration, you're going to be looking at Iran Deal after Iran Deal after Iran Deal. I can count on Americans to protect Israel. I don't count on foreigners to care about Israel, and that's who's coming in to vote.

Conservatives have a problem with women. For that matter, all men do.